Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Am I good enough for him?
This question has been heavy on my heart as we get closer and closer to having a newborn in the house. I did some thinking about it this morning while our house was quiet and still kind of dark.
Am I enough? What if I become depressed and shirk all my wifely and motherly duties?
What if I truly hate motherhood? What if my personality clashes with my son's? What if my hormones go wacky and I clash with my beloved husband?
Am I good enough for him, my baby? Am I good enough for him, my husband?
What if I'm unable to care properly for this precious baby? What if I'm unable to make our home a happy place, filled with love?
I desperately want to love motherhood. I want to love the toys everywhere, the smashed crackers in the carpet, the waking up to tenderly care for my baby, my changing body, the new routine...
But I get stressed about messes like toys everywhere and crackers in the carpet. I get really really frustrated when babies won't stop crying. I'm terrified of all the new bodily things I'll have to deal with.
So I prayed. I asked that Heavenly Father bless me with patience and organization and deep love. And the smallest, smallest thought came to me: You are enough.
We're being sent this baby to take care of and love. We are being trusted to raise this little spirit. If I don't quite have what it takes, I'll learn. We'll all learn.
I am enough for Him. He will teach me. He will send me love as I need it.