GOALS/march-april

This month, I was kind of in survival mode, so executing the personal and professional goals I had set for myself at the beginning of March was kind of the last thing on my mind. I had set a couple of goals that just sort of happened naturally (I do that on purpose so I can feel like I've accomplished something even if I forgot about my goals), like getting a haircut, continuing to nurse Henry, and (sort of) finding an at-home job. I applied for about ten different jobs on elance - just freelance contracted jobs - and ended up getting one of them. I ghostwrote an ebook for someone (for literal pennies), and it was fun and hard and I have the work experience on my profile, so hopefully it will help me get more jobs with better pay in the future. We went on a couple date nights, which is a vast improvement from how it was for a while (which, I guess is the point of goal setting - to improve). And I completed project 5 and project 6 for my 25 projects challenge. Again and again this project proves to not only better my home, but exercise my creativity and build my self worth.

I didn't get out every single day, but I did get out most days, and I even have a tanline to show for it. I've done no work on my blog design or my novella. I've also done some work for Conrad doing SEO articles for his online businesses.

This month is going to be nuts. We're going on two different weekend trips over General Conference and Easter, so we'll be preparing from, in the middle of, or just returning from a trip pretty much all month. I've got another freelance job coming up that's going to be a lot more rewarding (literally), and I've planned out all our meals for April to help us save money and be healthier. As for 25 projects #7 and #8, I don't know what I'm going to do, or when I'm going to do it. Up until now, I've had my projects all lined up so I knew what I needed to start working on, and now I'm, like, two days away from my personal "due date" (every other Friday), and I haven't started anything.

I'm looking up, and I've decided to start journalling daily some reasons I like myself. I was going to do a hashtag series on Instagram, but decided that building myself up should be for myself, not necessarily to display to everyone else why I'm awesome.

HERE COMES THE SUN

A couple days ago, I mentioned I had been dealing with some personal issues. It's no surprise really; it was about time. I tend to go several months without any big emotional problems, and then I'll have a week where I cry and sleep a lot and generally feel bad. Last week fit in with the trend, and I was having a really rough time.

Henry hasn't been sleeping well (a call for advice) which means I haven't been sleeping well, the house was a mess, we had been cooped up for a few days, my post-baby body keeps changing and I feel like I shouldn't be spending money on new clothes no matter how badly I need them, and I felt like I had so much in my brain that whenever someone would talk, I would zone out like the information they were giving me was more than I could handle. Without going into too much detail, there were some hurt feelings with friends. And the very worst and saddest, someone really close to me lost her baby, and we were all mourning. On top of it all, I was really hormonal, which has been a really difficult adjustment in the last two months. 

Conrad and I have always prayed before bed each night, and it has been a really good habit these five years. But when I was in this blue state and prayer time came, a surge of annoyance or even anger would hit me. I didn't want to talk to Heavenly Father, and if I did say a prayer, it was insincere and on auto-pilot. 

Finally, the high tide of emotion and problems started to ebb back. Sometimes there's an event that will snap you out of it, or a specific moment when you kind of realize that it's getting better. And sometimes there's not, and it's just a gradual improvement that you don't really feel, like the night turning into the morning. One moment it's dark, and somehow, even though you were watching, it became light and you didn't really notice. That was how it was for me. Gradual. My hormones leveled out, which kind of helped me handle everything else. I left the house with the intention of getting fresh air and sunshine (like medicine, I tell you!). My prayers became sincere. I began channeling my energy in a creative way, and now I have another of my 25 projects completed (coming Friday). I sent myself little notes of people who needed helping or service, and stopped thinking about myself. 

Suddenly it was morning after a short but dark night. It's so beautiful how after a moment of sadness, the happiness is so much clearer. Like your glasses were dirty and now they're clean. Exhaustion never helps any situation, but sometimes a sincere prayer is as helpful as a good nap. This week was a testimony builder for me. Heavenly Father is there, and he mourns when we suffer, and he responds in the way that will make us strongest. He'll give you physical or emotional strength, help your baby sleep, or send you a beautiful day as a reminder that, while it feels like everything is falling apart, you are actually being built up.

US LATELY

Conrad told me this was the best weekend he'd had in at least a year. I took it as a major compliment, since I'm kind of the Mistress of the Schedule and I'm the one who planned everything. It's also kind of sad, though, that we haven't had such a fun weekend in a whole year (or more). Pregnancy is wonderful and amazing and beautiful, and it results in a perfect little Henry (who still isn't sleeping), but it really limits your weekend activities. Friday night was date night, Saturday was a beach day, and Sunday was a beach morning/barbeque at the in-laws' evening. We got lots of sun, ate at our favorite sub shop, got some amazing coconut macaroons (is it just me, or is it really hard to find super-moist ones?), and hung out with family.

I've been working on some personal issues (more on that later), but am feeling really positive and happy. Sometimes, in those moments of frustration, you just have to remember the words of George Harrison: Here comes the sun.

BIG PLANS FOR THE BLOG

After enjoying my baby and our family and the holiday season and taking a few weeks off from blogging (and enduring one scary, close call with my laptop and a spilled cup of water), I'm finally back and I've got some big announcements!

A serious lack of motivation for blogging up and smacked me in the face a couple months ago. It became something of a chore, and the idea of spending hours upon hours of time putting together giveaways and trying fruitlessly to gain followers on all the various social media platforms that I don't even use became dreaded and daunting. I spent a lot of time considering the path my blog has taken since my first post five years ago, and it has absolutely evolved, as all things do. I've gone down various roads with it - writing just for myself, finally convincing a small audience of friends and family to read, working hard to gain a larger following but only gaining readers who were interested in giveaways instead of content. It all felt kind of fake. Then when Henry was born, I realized I didn't have time in my life for fake.

This break from blogging has been amazing. It's given me time and perspective to decide what to do with this blog. I knew I didn't want to do sponsorship with other blogs anymore. I knew I was not, would never be, and finally decided I never wanted to be a fashion blogger (more on this later). I knew I wanted a new design. I knew I wanted to refocus my content. And I knew I wanted to turn this into a stay-at-home job.

But how do you turn blogging into a job without sponsorship? I thought hard about it, and decided to affiliate. It's spare change most of the time, but I don't have to write posts about bloggers I don't know or try to recommend products I don't love. From now on, this blog's focus will be on family and home. I'm really excited about this new motivation. After all, the funnest time to blog is when you are totally authentic, and my authentic life is now wholly about home and family.

So I've shifted gears. I've rebranded. The Framed Lady, now a "home and happiness blog," complete with a redesign that I did by myself (!). I won't be doing advertising for other blogs anymore. Instead, my ads will be primarily affiliate links for products and businesses I support. My posts will be on stuff in my life. No more sponsored posts or group giveaways. I can't wait to get started and share all my ideas. I have a whole new motivation for it. For my home and family. For my life.

I hope this new year gives you as much excitement as it gives me!

ADIOS, 2013. YOU WERE GOOD TO US.

JANUARY


FEBRUARY


MARCH



APRIL


MAY



JUNE




JULY



AUGUST (August was my FAVORITE!)







SEPTEMBER





OCTOBER




NOVEMBER





DECEMBER


2013 was an amazing year for us. We started it just barely pregnant with the baby of our dreams. We finished it with him in our arms. There was a TON of love cultivated here this year. Between me and Conrad, for our baby, for our families, and for people and life in general. Morning sickness kind of owned me for the first couple months, but once I hit the second trimester, I was back to my old self, only better because Baby Boy Frame was coming. I spend the rest of pregnancy doing all kinds of crazy nesting projects in preparation for bringing the Boy home. Because, you know, my baby won't have cream walls, he needs them to be white! and my baby deserves to come home to a newly remodeled kitchen! and remodeled furniture (and NEW furniture!)!

They tell you pregnancy is 40 weeks, and a full term baby is 37. So, basically, you are totally ready by 37 weeks. Thing is, pregnancy is actually more like 41 weeks, so if you're told your whole life that it should be over around 37 weeks, you get to 41 and you're like WHY ARE THE STUPID DOCTORS MAKING ME WAIT!? But they're just doing what's best for your son, and it turns out that an overdone baby is much safer and less worrisome than one underdone. Ask my mom about it.

2013 wasn't without its trials. August 25 was the day Baby Boy Frame was born via c-section due to failed induction (after 24 hours of sleepless labor, I might add). It was the most scared I've ever been, ever, ever. But the minute he was born, so was I. My heart just opened and in flooded all the best feelings. Conrad was a whole new man. He was a dad! My baby's dad! And how handsome he looked holding our son. August 28 was the day he was named Henry Conrad, and we came home to our under-construction house.

We finished our kitchen and living room, snuggled our sweet boy, learned how to go with broken sleep periods, and fell more in love with life every second. I learned how to breastfeed after months and months of not being so sure about it, and love it and am even considering extended nursing. We'll see. It's my favorite thing I've ever done, nursing this boy. Not the coolest (that would be making him with my body), but my very favorite.

Henry is now four months old, not quite old enough to understand presents, but just old enough to enjoy the lights on the Christmas tree. I'm ringing in the New Year with a baby on my hip and a husband on my arm saying, "2014, see if you can top that!"

ON BREASTFEEDING

(Nursing has been such a sweet experience for me that I've tried to take a couple pictures here and there to remember Henny's limp little limbs and closed eyes. This post has a couple discreet pictures of those sweet moments with me nursing Henny. Totally SFW.)

There are two main types of moms: those who choose to breastfeed and those who don't. I'm on one side (the nursing side), but I used to be on the other, so I totally understand women, who for any reason at all, choose not to or are unable to nurse.

Before I got pregnant, I was terrified of two things about having babies: getting the epidural and breastfeeding. Not labor, not pushing, not anything potentially life-threatening. I was afraid of having a child latched onto me. First I thought it was strange, but then, after people so willingly shared their horror stories with me (which most people have), I was absolutely certain I would not breastfeed. Bleeding? Chapping? Infections? Toe-curling pain for weeks? Not for me.

Then I got pregnant. I very gradually started to ease into the idea of nursing, but still straddled that in-between line for most of those nine months. I always said I'd try it, but if it was too hard I wouldn't let myself feel bad if I wanted to stop. Eventually, for the sake of education, I took a breastfeeding class, and that was what led me to decide that I wanted to breastfeed.

Once Henny got here, I was excited about it. It didn't hurt the first day or two, but then the next few days were pretty rough. So rough that I went back to my "if it's too difficult, just don't do it" mindset. In the hospital, we supplemented with formula because Hen had trouble latching and went a looong time without food. When that first bottle went in his mouth, I cried and cried. I was devastated that I couldn't be the one to feed him, and worried that my milk wouldn't come in if I gave him even one bottle, and terrified that even if my milk did come in, he might show nipple preference to bottles.

We brought Henny home and my left side was really painful, so I nursed more on my right side, which led to a production difference (which has since been evened out). On the fifth day, the day after we brought him home, my milk came in, and he didn't have to suck so hard to get the amount of food he wanted, but I was so tender that I didn't want to nurse. I used the little free hand pump they gave me in the hospital, and reminded myself to call Kaiser in the morning and rent their hospital-grade pump. I had decided to pump because it was just too painful.

My whole family was at our house, and saw the difficulty I was having with feeding him (plus recovering from the c-section, and coming down from a lot of drugs and hormones). My mom talked me through each feeding and even helped push on my breasts to express milk while I was feeding him so I wouldn't get a clogged duct from being engorged. She told me how it hurt her, and how you just have to KEEP nursing through the pain, otherwise you'll never desensitize. I cried to her and asked how long it was going to hurt? "If it's for several weeks, I don't think I can do it."

She said, "I don't think it even hurt for a full week, but I fed every time through the pain."

There was a glimmer of hope. I might not have to struggle for much longer.

My dad asked me if I was going to breastfeed, and I told him yes, I wanted to, and he smiled a proud smile and told me how good it was that I had decided to do it. My dad has never been one to talk openly about female body parts or anything especially personal like that, so it was a big deal that he asked, and an even bigger deal to me that he had an opinion about it. In the hardest moment, I remembered how my dad told me it was so good that I had decided to nurse, and I tried harder to push through.

In those first days when I was in pain and considered giving up, I talked a lot to my mom about when she nursed. She told me she nursed me for three months and tried to pump when she went back to work, but lost her supply. With my sister, she nursed for five months - the longest of all of us. With my brother Ryan, she only nursed for two months (a lot of difficult things were happening - including our whole family getting chicken pox - that caused stress and her milk to dry up). With my brother Lane (who was a premie) she couldn't nurse at all because he was too tiny and not strong enough to suck, so she pumped for six months (he got the most breastmilk but didn't nurse at all). Hearing her tell me about her nursing durations with sadness in her voice made me all the more determined to continue. It's so bonding, and to only be able to do it for two months was very hard and sad for her.

I cried from the pain.
I cried from discouragement.
I cried with confusion over what to do. I knew I'd regret it if I stopped, and I'd always wish I had tried harder for just one more feeding.
I cried at the thought that nursing could be something that would be taken away before I was ready.
I cried for Henry, that I might not be able to bond with him through nursing.

I'd put off renting the pump until later. Maybe their encouragement had a placebo effect, but I remember each feeding after that hurt progressively less, until finally I could stand it and was able to experiment with changing positions and be more comfortable.

By the next day, I was excited to nurse, even with the discomfort, and decided I wouldn't need the pump. Now, five weeks later, I nurse like I've nursed my whole life. Like it's the most natural, comfortable thing (though sometimes if he latches wrong...). I would have regretted giving up. I would have missed out on some really wonderful things that Henny does while he nurses.

(the little tiny hand resting on you?! I die.)
(also the drowsy eyes?!)
(and the drunken smiles where milk spills out?!)

I know nursing isn't for everyone, but if you want to nurse but are discouraged or in pain, read about correct latching, get yourself some lanolin and breast pads, and KEEP GOING. It will get better, and you'll be so happy you didn't give up.

And now for one non-cell phone, non breastfeeding picture.

FALL GOALS

A month ago, I decided to set some goals for the last few weeks of summer and I wanted to look back and assess how I did, as well as set some new goals for Fall.

+ HAVE MY BABY. 

Checkity check. 

+ GET DOWN TO 150 POUNDS. 

Done! I had a doctor's appointment last week (three weeks after birth) and was 150 on the button, which means I'm down thirty pounds and only five away from my pre-pregnancy weight! 

+ HELP CONRAD more with Sendrecurring.com, and get the paid version ready to launch. Finish designing the icons and layout of the site. 

Did this. Not as much as I probably could have, but I did it, so it counts. 

+ HAVE OUR FAMILY PICTURES TAKEN. 

Did this two weeks ago and they turned out great! 

+ FILL MY JOURNAL. 

Done! Actually, I'm cheating a tiny bit, because I actually had about three blank pages left on the last day of summer. It has since been filled, so I'm calling it good.

+ READ TWO MORE BOOKS. 

1. Lock and Key by Sarah Dessen
2. Wither by Lauren DeStefano
I finished #1 but then gave birth and haven't really had time to just sit and read. Half-done is still good, right?

+ FINISH MY BABY BOOK SMASH BOOK. 

Again, I got pretty far but then gave birth and just haven't had time to focus on it. I want to do it before I forget how I felt, so this one's going on my Fall list!

And now, for the Fall list! I'm really excited because I have the whole season to accomplish my goals, instead of the last six weeks like last time. Plus, Baby H and I are figuring out a pretty good schedule (not really a set schedule, but we're adjusting), so I have more energy and am feeling like I can accomplish things.

+ SUBMIT GRAD SCHOOL APPLICATION

This is something I've been thinking about for a while, and now that it's Fall, schools are accepting applications for next year. 

+ READ MORE BOOKS

Here are some books on my list. I'd love to read them all, but realistically, if I finish 2 or 3 I'll be happy.

1. Life of Pi

2. The Book Thief 

3. Days of Blood and Starlight (by the way, if you haven't started the Daughter of Smoke and Bone trilogy, get started, stat!)

4. Mind Games

5. The Chaos of the Stars

6. Perfect Lies

7. Rebecca 

+ FINISH THE BABY BOOK SMASH BOOK

I really want to document the last couple weeks of pregnancy and the labor and first few days of Henry's life before it all becomes foggy and I don't remember the details. This is one of those naptime projects for when all the chores are done and I have some time (like that will ever happen).

+ GET BACK TO WALKING A FEW TIMES A WEEK

I'd love to start a walking group with some of my girlfriends who have babies. Ideally, I would love to alternate my walking days with my errand days so that I can spend some time outside of the house each day and not go nuts with cabin fever. Plus, (who am I kidding? This is the main reason, not a bonus) the exercise will help me get rid of the last few pounds and firm up what is currently a little soupy.

+ FINISH THE KITCHEN AND LIVING ROOM REMODEL

We're soooo close. All we're needing at this point is to finish a very small portion of the floor (that's what it looks like so far! ^^^), get our dishwasher hooked up, do the details like hardware and backsplash, and get our hood microwave. 

+ LOSE REMAINING 5 POUNDS (plus 10)

I wasn't at my ideal size or weight before I got pregnant, which is fine considering that if my starting weight was a little higher, I have a shorter distance to go to get to my "pre-pregnancy weight." But for vanity's sake, I'd like to get a little firmer, which I guess doesn't necessarily entail weight loss, just fitness and maintenance.

+ WORK ON WRITING A BOOK

I've had so many starts when it comes to writing. I'd like to take one of my ideas and follow through and finish. Maybe it's a novel? Maybe an autobiography of sorts? Or maybe someone else's biography? My goal isn't to finish a book, though that would be nice, but I won't set the bar too high for myself. I do have a new baby, after all. The goal is to spend time writing and find a story in my mind that I'm motivated to finish.

+ PLAN A TRIP

We're already kind of planning a trip to Vancouver for next year. I'd love to do some research and find out what sites are must-sees and what local eateries and parks and other things come recommended. If you've been or are from the area, what should we do?

LITTLE GLIMPSES OF WHAT LOOKS LIKE A SCHEDULE, MAYBE

It is the three o'clock hour here in San Diego. It's sunny and warm outside. I just fed The Boy and it is officially his fussy hour. I'm thankful for the predictability of his fussy hour, every day at about three. I can stop trying to calm him and nearly losing my mind in the attempt, and just put him on his donut and close the second bedroom door, and let him cry.

Burn some baby energy, as it were. See, fussy hours are a good thing. When Henry first came home, I literally began crying when his cry would become "too sad." If actual tears were involved for him, so they were with me. I have since learned that if I quell his distress and keep him from crying, he won't sleep at night, which only results in more tears from me.

So he cries, and I sit in my heavenly new glider. Actually, right this second he's quiet (he probably tuckered out and cried himself to sleep, which breaks my heart almost as much as crying it out). It's still super hard for me to let him cry. Sometimes I give in after about ten minutes, or however long it takes for the cries to turn to wails, but I try to let him cry hard for at least a little bit.  So far we've had success with this "routine." H gives us a couple four-hour stretches of sleep at night, and one two- or three-hour ones. Which is awesome.

"How do you feel today?" I asked Conrad this morning after quite the awesome night of sleep, probably the best since H was born.
"A little groggy," he said. "Like I got too much sleep."

Too much sleep. With a not-quite-three-week-old baby. How about that?

UPDATE: Some of you seemed concerned with me allowing Henry to cry. Read my response here.

Ham and Cheese with a side of hormones

Two days from my due date, no baby yet.

I'm here on my lovely new couch, at my computer, with a grilled ham and cheese mostly in my mouth. I had quite the productive day today, considering I woke up at half-past nine. For the last couple weeks I've been thinking of errands I need to run or chores I need to do before the baby comes. I usually talk myself out of it, reasoning that the do-gooders who come to visit once the baby's born will surely offer to help, and I can just make them do all my stuff. Like laundry and vacuuming and groceries and exchanging stuff. But today, I woke up with several things on my list, and being the Type A that I am, decided that everything would just be faster and go smoother if I just did it all myself.

So I did.
I made a trip to the Temecula Olive Oil Company to exchange a couple bottles.
I took a bag of stuff to the thrift store (and got a receipt - taxes!).
I picked up two donuts - a chocolate bar and a maple bar - at our favorite bakery (something I immediately regretted).
I went to Target in search of a changing pad cover which I didn't find, but bought a compact sink tub,some loungewear for after the baby comes, and a few nice swaddling blankets.
I limped my way into Home Depot (my hip was starting to hurt at this point) and grabbed four different paint swatches for our new kitchen.
I exchanged some stuff at Toys R Us and found the changing pad cover I had been looking for.
When I came home, the rug we ordered for our living room was waiting by the door.

And at some point between Home Depot and Toys R Us, Stevie Wonder came on the radio in all his glory, singing "Isn't She Lovely," a song about his baby daughter, and I had a nice little cry about it. Then I prayed to the heavens that this baby comes soon.

End-of-Summer Goals

I read this post and was totally inspired to write some seasonal goals! I'm a MAJOR goal setter but I've never been so on board with New Year's Resolutions, since you really only assess your progress once a year at the very end. And nobody really keeps their resolutions past March, anyway. I loved Bon's idea of setting summer goals, and I had the idea to do it for each season. At the end of the season, you can see how you did, and you have next season to pick up where you slacked off.

There's still over a month left of summer, officially, so here are the goals I want to accomplish by September 22. I'll do another post at that time and see how I did, and set my Fall goals.

+ HAVE MY BABY. Considering I'm 39 weeks pregnant, I'm pretty sure this is a very accomplishable goal. Let's start with a guaranteed success and go from there!

+ GET DOWN TO 150 pounds. I weigh a little over 170 now, baby and all, so I figure with birth and nursing for four weeks, that's a pretty reasonable goal. I'll plan to lose more in the Fall, but as for the end of summer, I think 150 is doable.

+ HELP CONRAD more with Sendrecurring.com, and get the paid version ready to launch. Finish designing the icons and layout of the site.

+ HAVE OUR FAMILY PICTURES TAKEN. Those little froggy newborn legs go away so quickly, I want to make sure we have some beautiful, professional pictures to remember them, and to capture our tired, happy, new-parent glow.

+ FILL MY JOURNAL. It's kind of weird to want to finish a journal, but I love the feeling of filling in that last page and moving on to a new, empty book, like your next chapter is starting! In my case, with having a baby, a new chapter really is starting.

+ READ TWO MORE BOOKS. This seems kind of measly, but I expect that it will be really hard to read with a newborn, so I'm setting my goal low. If I meet it or exceed it, awesome! If I don't, it's not like it was a huge deal, and I don't need to beat myself up for it while I'm dealing with the Baby Blues. I just started my fifth book this month, so if I can finish it plus one more, I'll feel really great about it.
1. Lock and Key by Sarah Dessen
2. Wither by Lauren DeStefano

(3.) Life of Pi
(4.) The Book Thief
(If I magically have the time or energy, I'll read 3 and 4)

I think it's smart to always have something to read. Always be expanding your mind, exposing yourself to stories and writing styles and information. I'm currently familiarizing myself with young adult fiction, both for research purposes and because it's just plain fun.

+ FINISH MY BABY BOOK SMASH BOOK. I crammed for about a month and documented almost my whole pregnancy. I'd like to finish it by the Fall, because, as these things go, the longer you go without finishing it, the less likely you are to ever actually do so. I'll post lots and lots of pictures once it's done! (Is a Smash book ever really done?)