Henry hasn't been sleeping well (a call for advice) which means I haven't been sleeping well, the house was a mess, we had been cooped up for a few days, my post-baby body keeps changing and I feel like I shouldn't be spending money on new clothes no matter how badly I need them, and I felt like I had so much in my brain that whenever someone would talk, I would zone out like the information they were giving me was more than I could handle. Without going into too much detail, there were some hurt feelings with friends. And the very worst and saddest, someone really close to me lost her baby, and we were all mourning. On top of it all, I was really hormonal, which has been a really difficult adjustment in the last two months.
Conrad and I have always prayed before bed each night, and it has been a really good habit these five years. But when I was in this blue state and prayer time came, a surge of annoyance or even anger would hit me. I didn't want to talk to Heavenly Father, and if I did say a prayer, it was insincere and on auto-pilot.
Finally, the high tide of emotion and problems started to ebb back. Sometimes there's an event that will snap you out of it, or a specific moment when you kind of realize that it's getting better. And sometimes there's not, and it's just a gradual improvement that you don't really feel, like the night turning into the morning. One moment it's dark, and somehow, even though you were watching, it became light and you didn't really notice. That was how it was for me. Gradual. My hormones leveled out, which kind of helped me handle everything else. I left the house with the intention of getting fresh air and sunshine (like medicine, I tell you!). My prayers became sincere. I began channeling my energy in a creative way, and now I have another of my 25 projects completed (coming Friday). I sent myself little notes of people who needed helping or service, and stopped thinking about myself.
Suddenly it was morning after a short but dark night. It's so beautiful how after a moment of sadness, the happiness is so much clearer. Like your glasses were dirty and now they're clean. Exhaustion never helps any situation, but sometimes a sincere prayer is as helpful as a good nap. This week was a testimony builder for me. Heavenly Father is there, and he mourns when we suffer, and he responds in the way that will make us strongest. He'll give you physical or emotional strength, help your baby sleep, or send you a beautiful day as a reminder that, while it feels like everything is falling apart, you are actually being built up.