Thursday, August 23, 2012

Ants are my worst enemy

source (the gun is made up of the ants!)

A couple weekends ago, we unexpectedly stayed a couple days at Conrad's parent's house. We thought we'd only be gone for the day, but it got late and we decided to sleep over. Normally, when I'm leaving overnight, I clean the house well. I make sure dishes are clean and there's no accessible food on the counters. I may even take out the trash, depending on how long we'll be gone. 

Since this overnighter was unexpected, I didn't do any of those things. When we came home a couple days later, the ants had arrived. Not in full force, no no. They first send scouts to find a home with a weakened defense. Then they send a couple more scouts to find food. You can't tell where they're coming in, because there are only 20 ants, and they're all scattered (not in a line). If you don't "handle" the scouts, you can expect a full-blown ambush within two days. 

I've been killing them as soon as I see them, so they haven't been able to form a line yet, but this also makes it more difficult to find out how they're getting in. 

All day long, I'm standing on chairs scouring light fixtures, on my knees patching holes in the wall, looking like (and altogether being) a crazy woman. I'm scratching myself because I feel like they're on me. I've also seen some pretty horrid things when it comes to ants. 

Watch this video and you'll never think of ants the same way again. 

Even worse, I actually saw that in real life. A mouse got trapped on some sticky paper in my in-laws' basement. As if that death wouldn't have been bad enough, the ants came and started eating it before it was dead. Another time, all I saw was the little bone structure of a mouse on some sticky paper (again at my in-laws'... they may have a rodent problem). I asked, "how long has that been there? Jeez, Dan, clean up your dead animals!" He said, "oh, he got stuck last night. The ants ate him while we were sleeping." 

Mind blown. And traumatized. 

The third time I saw ants go after something living, it was a bird. A little sparrow flew into our window and paralyzed itself. We knew he was alive because he was breathing. The ants started crawling all over him, and I knew what was going to happen, so I made Conrad "take care of it" in the most humane way possible. 

This is why ants are Satan's creature. This is why I am a crazy person if ants get into my house. Because I know they will eat me in my sleep if I ever let my guard down. 

How's that for paranoia?


  1. Icky icky. I did NOT need to let myself watch that video. I've always had a fear that when I am old, I will fall over and be unable to move and all my cats (because I will be that crazy old cat lady) will eat me alive. Now I have to worry about ants too. great. :)

  2. Ants are soooo icky. I have this nightmare where I wake up and they're crawling all over me but I can't move and they eat me.

  3. Bah! I hate hate ants!!! I got 'attacked' by some once and it's ruined me for life!!!

  4. I hate ants. We were always fighting with them in the house I lived in when I was growing up. I don't recommend watching The Naked Jungle with Charlton Heston if you don't like to see ants eating everything...


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