Thursday, April 25, 2013

RUDE OR NOT?


I learned the etiquette on this particular issue just after I had graduated high school. One of my friends was several years older than me, so she had had enough experience to determine what she should expect from friends. And we spent most of our time together when we weren't in school. One night, I was at her house, and the guy of the moment kept texting me. Naturally, I would read his texts and respond to him.

She just looked at me and said, "You can leave." 

I was shocked. No one had ever been so blunt with me before. I wasn't sure what she was talking about, so I asked why.

She said, "If the person you're texting is more important than the person you're already spending time with, you don't have to stay. Go be with that person. I'm more offended by you being here texting someone else than I would be if you just left. So you can leave, if you want."

I put my phone away for the night, and realized she was totally right. In-person relationships should be priority. Answering phone calls or texts in other peoples' presence is not only socially rude, it's personally offensive. You're basically saying, "I'd rather talk to this person than you." My friend showed me that having expectations of your friends is not only OK, but good. Explain to them why something is offensive. If the friendship is strong, it won't be shaken by a conversation like this, and you'll likely be teaching them something that will prevent them from offending others in the future.

I have a different friend who answered a skype call from her parents while we and our husbands were hanging out. This was super awkward for me, because she not only was showing my who she'd rather talk to, but she kept trying to show her parents parts of my house, my pregnant belly, and include me in parts (but not all) of their conversation. Neither the mother, the father, nor my friend had any kind of idea that this might not be the most appropriate time to talk, even though they all acknowledged that they were at a friend's house. Nonetheless, I had to sit in silence and wait for them to finish chatting.

To me, this is totally something you should NEVER do in a social situation. If you receive a call that isn't urgent, answer and quickly explain that you can't talk but will call later, or respond with a brief text. If someone is texting you continually and it can wait, just ignore it. That's the glory of texts. Handle it later.

What do you guys think? Is this etiquette out-dated? Are we shaping our teenagers to not know where the priority lies (in-person social settings) because we allow them to be on their phones constantly? Or is this common knowledge and everyone except an unfortunate few already follow these rules?

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9 comments:

  1. I definitely think todays youth has no clue about being rude. My stepdaughters just sit there texting and looking at their phones all the time. I get angry as heck at my husband for doing this too. I try my best to only check quickly if I hear my phone go off when I'm with my daughter or husband. I just think it's very rude and it's like you are ignoring them.

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  2. Awkward! I cant imagine skyping with someone while hanging out with someone else. I think you friend probably could have told you what she had to say in a nicer way but I think she taught a valuable lesson!

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    1. It was harsh, but I think I was pretty oblivious to how rude I was being, and I may not have listened if she hadn't been so abrupt. The skyping with someone else was... I couldn't even believe it. I thought it was one of the rudest things I had ever seen.

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  3. I think it's rude to an extent. This thanksgiving my husband's brother's mother in law who pretty much made thanksgiving crazy by making my in laws change everything had her phone at the table and was texting during the meal! I couldn't believe it. She is one of those who is always taking photos on her phone and messaging people but I'm like OMG it's thanksgiving you can reply to someone after the meal! I hate it!

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    1. Oh my gosh, that would have driven me crazy! If I was feeling particularly bothered, I would have pulled her aside and told her she needed to put the phone away because it was a family day.

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  4. It drives me crazy! We go to family dinner with my husbands extended family every week and he always has his phone out! I always try to get him to put it away because I think it's so rude!! I'll check my phone if it goes off, but don't answer unless I really need to take the call for some reason. Even then, I'd excuse myself and step out of the room. I think because children are getting phones earlier and earlier in life, they aren't being taught proper etiquette!

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  5. Eek, I think all the time about things I've done that were rude when I totally didn't mean it. I hope I'm learning to be better, sometimes I'm just clueless! That being said, I totally get annoyed by others when they're rude. So I try and remember that they may not mean it, they might just be a little spacey.

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  6. I've always been a big proponent of truly being "there" with the person that you're with. I'm okay with occasionally answering a phone call in the presence of others, depending on the situation. My family lives overseas, and if I get a call from them, it's a rare thing and usually means something urgent, so I"ll drop anything to answer my phone for them....but ipods and texts and stuff like that can wait! When my husband gets home from work I shut down my computer and I don't distract myself with technology for the rest of the night.

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