"You look like you're about to pop!"
I had one person tell me this, and I was 20 weeks along. Granted, he was 21 and had probably never been around a pregnant woman, so he totally couldn't have guessed how far along I was. Mostly it was just funny. I actually like when people acknowledge I'm growing, but I might be weird.
"You look so much bigger/smaller than ___ weeks!"
I'm never offended when people tell me I look smaller, but some people are. I'm honestly not even offended when people tell me I'm carrying large. A woman at church asked me "Are you sure you're not having twins?" and it didn't even phase me. It's probably all the hormones. They're like sedatives or something. I'm comfortable with my size, but it certainly wouldn't feel good to have someone say outright "You're gaining a lot of weight," or suggesting that you're underweight and therefore malnourishing your baby. Gee, thanks.
"Should you be eating that?"
This one gets my goat, along with any other comments about my behavior that would suggest I'm using bad judgement. Yes, I'm drinking soda. With caffeine in it. Yes, I eat red meat several times a week. Yes, I even ate sushi - real sushi, not the cooked excuse for sushi - when I was first pregnant because it was the only thing I kept down.
"You look tired/uncomfortable."
Well, you look like a fat person with too-skinny legs. Oh wait, that's also me. Just don't comment on a pregnant woman's appearance. Her ego is fragile.
When people ask the gender but then still call the baby an "it" rather than a he or she.
Why would you ask if it's a girl or boy if you aren't going to refer to it by it's gender-specific pronoun?
When people ask awkward questions like "Are you excited?" or "Is the dad excited?"
Of course I'm excited. And why would the dad be extra-excited? Because it's a boy? Here's how to respond. Make the asker feel as awkward as these stupid questions. Say "Oh, not really. We were trying not to get pregnant but it happened anyway." Or "There's no father. I got pregnant in a one-night-stand." They'll never ask you a stupid question again. Mission accomplished.
"Can I touch your belly?" Or worse, touching without asking.
Only a few people have touched my belly, and they all asked first. It doesn't really bother me. I understand that they just want to "give their good energy" to the baby or feel him move. If I'm feeling like I don't want to be touched, I'll simply say, "Oh, he's asleep right now, but if he wakes up and starts moving, I'll tell you so you can feel!" No one ever pushes too hard. I think most people understand boundaries. It's usually older women who touch without asking.
When people ask what names we're thinking of, I tell them, and they proceed to call the baby by one of those names - or worse, a nickname.
It's not his name now. It might be his name when he gets here. Please don't lock me into a certain name when I may want to reserve the right to change it. This one, weirdly, is probably the most irritating one to me. I've simply just started lying and telling people who ask that we don't have any names in mind yet. We do.
And other questions asking about what I plan to do, like "Are you going to breastfeed?" "Are you going to get an epidural?" etc. They make me feel like no matter how I answer, I'm about to be judged. What I find most irritating are the questions I have to answer a thousand times, like "How are you feeling?" "When are you due?" "Boy or girl?" "Do you have any names picked out?" I just get tired of saying the same rehearsed answer over and over again.
What's the most obnoxious thing anyone has said to you while you were pregnant? This could get fun.