As you might have gathered from my last several posts, I've been doing a lot of thinking about the person I am currently, and the person I want to be for this baby (I recently re-set a bunch of my goals from New Year's). I have strong beliefs and values, but haven't always lived a life that really shows them.
I dress modestly and cover my body out of respect for myself and my marriage (after all, it's Conrad's body, too).
I try my best to not use bad language (I'm getting better at this. I used to have almost no control.)
I am kind to people I come in contact with.
I say prayers often.
But what about behind closed doors?
Do I think kind thoughts, even when a person has offended me?
Do I gossip?
Do I judge others?
Do I go out of my way to be a good friend to people, instead of just expect them to be nice to me?
I realized I may not be as Christlike as I had thought. I look at your blogs and your words, and am inspired by so many of you to be better. I admire your kindness and softness, and want to adopt those traits as my own.
A little sidenote, I've been SO touched by how encouraging and kind your comments always are.
One thing that sparked this change in my heart was knowing that my baby boy would see my behavior more than anyone else. He will see how I react at home when I kick a door jamb. He will hear the words I say when someone driving recklessly cuts me off. He will hear my phone calls as I feed him. Will I say kind words, or will I express anger and intensity?
So I decided to make some conscious changes. Here's the funny thing. It's been about a week since I decided this, and I already can feel myself softening. At first, it didn't feel natural. I had to try really hard to be patient and think kind thoughts, or pretend that I was calm when I felt a flurry of emotions that I wanted to react to. Now, just a week later, I feel like things actually affect me less.
I guess "fake it 'til you make it" is a real thing!
Don't forget to leave questions for me here!